woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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