How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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