I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
