Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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