gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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