I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
