Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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