a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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