I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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