I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
