I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
