were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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