I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
