my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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