Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
