wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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