If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
