You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
