I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
