I wish I only lived at night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
