I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
