I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
