Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
