Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
