Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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