Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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