Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
