good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
