just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
