8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
