How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
