omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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