i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
