Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
