Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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