i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
