my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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