After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
