So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
