um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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