I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
