If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wish my penis had a tongue
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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