we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
what day is it and did you see me today?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default