the condom got lost in my hair
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?