This girl is more easily done than said...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.