Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize