Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
