Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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