I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
