Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want to make out with him forever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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