i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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