he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
