I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sober January is a disaster.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
