I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
