I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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