dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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