Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
