i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
