yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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