Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
