she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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