I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my liver is dry heaving
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
