Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
