well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she told me i tasted like america
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
