I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
worst night to have a conscience
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
