you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
