it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
