gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
