Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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