I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
