My balls are so social today.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
