I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
