Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
