Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
