they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
