Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
