You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's blow job season.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
