I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
