My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i out mim tonsoeep
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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