margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
