A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
